Ranting ahead--proceed with caution

I spoke with my mother today.  Our relationship has been more than a little strained for a little over a year now since my 16 year old son was sent by his father to live with them.  It was due to a violent incident that occurred in my home. This incident was the climax of the previous 6 months filled with endless streams of profanity, physical threats, lies, insults, and name calling; arguments with my husband (my son's step father) regarding how certain situations were handled by me; and many, many hours of trying to pray for help while sobbing.


My parents did not disown me due to the decision that my son could no longer stay in my home, as they don't believe in such things, but there has been more than one time I wondered if I didn't wish they had.  You see, my son has a personality disorder and violent tendencies.  I was so affected in the 6 months he was in my home, that I cut my hair to one inch in length, asked my husband to leave, very nearly lost my job, and had a nervous breakdown.  All of this while not missing a single day of work and holding a leadership calling.  My parents did not care about any of this.  I am a horrible person because I rejected my son.  Okay--I accepted this and have been trying to move on from there. 

This past May, my only sibling-a brother-passed away unexpectedly due to cancer.  He had shared with no one that he was ill.  I did travel there for the funeral, etc.  It was made quite clear to me the entire time I was there that my presence was not wanted, but my parents did not want to deal with explaining why I would not have attended, so I was allowed to attend.  Not allowed to participate in any decision making or service.  My opinions and thoughts would not even be heard.  I spent the week in "my" room with a 1300 page Stephen King book, which I almost completed. 

Recently, my mom and I have been doing a little better it seemed.  I felt bad as I had not spoken to her in several days, so I gave her a call on my lunch break today.  The topic turned to my brother's death as they had finally selected a headstone.  I shared with her that he had communicated with me that he would like his temple work done as soon as it is possible and so I have made arrangements.  My parents are not active in the church and don't show any signs of becoming active in the near future, so I didn't think it would be a problem.  And I don't suppose the arranging of the temple work was the problem.  The fact that I felt my brother had communicated with me was the problem.  My mother went into great detail about the hard feelings my bro had towards me before he died because of the decisions that had been made regarding my son and mentioned that she was shocked he would want anything to do with me at all.  Even from Heaven. 

So-in addition to suffering years of abuse from many situations, and the ordeal of leaving the children as a result of my divorce--I was forced into giving my son up a second time when I  could not give him the love and support he needed.  I was judged unfairly by my parents, my friends, my husband, and some of the people I attend church with.   Don't misunderstand, I do have friends who have comforted and supported me the best that they could.  And did not judge.  But through all of this--my testimony is the same.  I have been thinking this afternoon that I know of many many people who have left the church over less and similar occurrences.  I have had many trials in my life--some of my own doing, and some not, but I do not wonder if these trials translate into Heavenly Father not loving and caring for me.  I translate these experiences into things I don't understand now, but will at some later point.  We will all understand the "whys" of every trial, every struggle.  But for now, when I am feeling low and know it is not right, I turn to Him--the ONLY one who truly knows my heart and truly knows that I have always and will always do the best I can with the information and abilities that I currently possess.

I guess I just wanted to say those things "out loud".  It is not important for my parents, or anyone else to understand the decisions I make.  Heavenly Father understands them.  My Savior understands them, and they will help me through them.  Every time. 

A word about discouragement

Today was a discouraging day at work.  I was having some communication issues in that no one could communicate with me.  It felt like everyone was speaking gibberish!  I was having a lot of trouble wading through the information and extracting what exactly the requestor was looking for.  In other words, it felt like everyone was speaking gibberish! 
When I arrived home, as usual, my husband and I asked each other "how are you today?" and I advised him I had a bleckity bleck bleck day and needed a hug, which he immediately offered and which even more immediately, made me feel better.  I scampered off and began doing my household chores, or whatever it actually is I do when I get home from work. 
I have in the past talked with other sisters and received email messages from sisters discussing times in their lives when they were discouraged.  I often wonder--how many times have I wanted to hug someone and not done it?  How many times was that someone going through a difficult time I was not aware of and a hug could have helped even if only for a minute? 
I hereby suggest we all give a hug when we feel prompted.  Who doesn't want to feel loved?  So they may think you're a wierdo, so what?  What if they in turn think you're fabulous?  Who doesn't want to be fabulous?

What would it hurt?  To hug each time we feel love? 
Challenge issued--who will accept?

Disappointment--turned around

Today I was scheduled to go to the Minneapolis/St Paul Temple with a group from my branch.  The group had gradually whittled down during the week from 8 to 3 this morning, and when faced with the decision and unknown weather conditions, compounded by the fact that I may end up driving 2 sleeping people home from the temple (3.5 hour drive) in the snow in someone else's car--I made the executive decision for us to not go. This is the second month in a row our temple day has been cancelled due to weather and I am feeling it.  I love going to the temple!  And I miss it!  However, I'm not aware of any plans to dismantle any temples in the near future, so I'm pretty sure I'll have another opportunity just around the corner :)

The day did turn around when I went out to lunch with this friend:

 And then went and had a wonderful visit with this friend and her family--all of which is pictured here less one fabulous young man serving a mission in the Marshall Islands.  SHOUT OUT to Jake!!!

Don't they all look fabulous!  Some of my favorite people are in the pictures in this post!  But just to be fair, I do have lots of favorite people.

 The dogs are Tucker and Jackson.  They are my buddies.    And let's not forget

I think I just might be okay in spite of a minor disappointment this morning. :):):) 

Exercise is fun!

Exercise is fun!  Well, not really, but when you do it with one of your goodest friends, it comes pretty close.  I'm not sure if you would even call what  I do exercise, but it's tons better than the nothing I was doing before. I've  just been going once a week to the pool and swimming laps and doing some water exercises I come across on the internet and stuff.  It really helps my joints, which are quite painful this winter, and lets me spend some time with a friend.  I've noticed it also helps my mood.  Today, I was a little snippy when I came home from work.  But I went swimming anyways, had a good talk, a good workout, and came home all smiley and giddy and feeling much better about life in general.  I guess all those gym rats are right!  Below is a picture of  the pool I go to.  There's a lifeguard and everything!  WOW  SNAZZY!!

Hopefully, my life won't be so busy in the future and I will be able to go more than once a week.  But for now, it's just what I need!

Proper Error Etiquette

It has come to my attention rather abruptly lately that many in the working world may not be aware of  the proper etiquette when a co worker's error is discovered.

I will present a list of "do nots" below.

1- DO NOT start out your discovery conversation with the co worker who made the error by saying "I don't know what you were doing"
2-DO NOT have a group discussion with everyone else in the area detailing the events of the error and repeating over and over "I don't know what she was doing".  People that are not in your direct line of vision can hear what you're saying, particularly the lady 2 desks back about whom you are speaking.
3-DO NOT come to your co worker's desk (the one who made the error) repeatedly demanding an explanation of why the error was made.  (answer--because I'm a person and not a robot!  sometimes these things do happen. wait a minute--are you my supervisor?)
4-DO NOT walk away from conversation noted in #3 muttering about how it's 8 AM and your day is already so stressful you have a headache.  It's a mistake people!  Fix it and go on with your life!

Below is a short list of suggested "dos"

1--DO politely approach your co worker after she has taken her coat off and signed in to her computer and ask her if she has time to look at something with you
2--DO give her the information to view the work and allow her a moment to maybe discover her own error.
3--DO identify with your co worker and remember that you yourself make errors upon occasion, and it is not the end of the world as we know it
4--DO find something positive to say to your co worker because she is probably feeling silly over making such a careless error.

Life in a cubicle jungle would be much more relaxed and enjoyable if folks remembered these simple guidelines.  Thank you.  Have a nice day!

P.S.--I really do love my job :):) 

Intriguing Question

So--I was listening to a talk today via speeches.byu.edu , and I came across this talk on eternal marriage.  The speaker (El Ray Christiansen) states a theory that the difficulties or trails we face in this life are directly related to the degree of valiance we exhibited in our Pre Earth Life.  I have never heard this theory before, and found it an interesting thought process to explore.  Does a difficult Earth life mean you were a valiant servant in the Pre Existence, or were not?  Brother Christiansen didn't indicate those specifics.  I am wondering however, how this thought blends with the theory that each of us is given an equal allotment of trials based on our abilities or in other words, we are all given all that we can handle.  Do these statements both mean the same thing?  Am I entirely misunderstanding what Brother Christiansen was trying to say?  This dilemma has been on my mind all afternoon and I simply cannot decide .

Would love to read any comments you may have on the subject.

A Good Dinner

Tonight I made one of my favorite things for dinner.  Bratwurst and sauerkraut with onions.  I'm not sure how the rest of my family feels about this dinner, as a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure they'd prefer something else.  However, it's one of my favorites, so sometimes I play the "mom" card. 

I didn't fully appreciate this meal until I moved to Wisconsin, and I've been hooked ever since!

Hope you had one of your favorites tonight too!

Funny

I saw the following picture on another blog and simply had to share! Enjoy!

Funny blog

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Cookies!!

For those of you who know me, you know my love of cookies is unprecedented.  I LOVE COOKIES!!!  I've tried recently to start making them more and to try different things, and with pretty good success.  Although they are not my specialty, I am getting pretty good at baking thanks to some training from the Gardner family.  They are a huge family and seem to have decided that one more person (me) just makes one more person to tease and laugh with.  They are a fabulous blessing in my life!

Anywhoos--one of the Gardner children is having a cookie give away on her blog and I get an extra chance to win if I put a link to her site on my site!  Even though I don't know her very well, I've always found her blog to be fun and entertaining.  I highly recommend making it a regular stop on your jog around the "blogosphere"!  I've posted a link below:

Kate's blog

New Year, New You!

Well, not really a new me, same old me--but what's wrong with that?  I've had a wonderful holiday and hope that all out in the "bloggy world" did as well.  Now it's back to reality. 

In Relief Society yesterday, our Relief Society President presented the goals for our branch Relief Society for 2011.  They were more meaningful personal prayer (which I had already been working on) and Emergency Preparedness, both spiritual and temporal.  This prompted me to do some research and start thinking about preparedness for our family.  We've had some financial struggles of late, and I have been contemplating and making plans of how we can be better prepared for future times of trial.  I've discovered that even on a very skinny, starting to shred shoestring budget--I have been able to buy a little extra food each time and was able to skip a grocery trip in December in order to spend some money on Christmas gifts for our children.  What a blessing!  In many ways, this hardship has been a blessing to us.  I've learned, among other things, that when I thought I was doing my best before, there was so much more I could have been doing in the way of savings, food storage and supplies, etc.  This year promises to be one of preparation--at least for the Williams family.

Next Sunday I have to give a talk in Sacrament meeting on keeping the Sabbath day holy.  I've begun my research and have discovered some interesting quotes, which I'll post on later so stay tuned.

I'll end today with a wonderful, Christmas morning picture of 2 of our 4 children.  They're not necessarily the favorite two, or the prettiest two, or anything like that.  They're just the 2 that happened to be in the room when I had the camera out.  he he he  Aren't they fabulous though?