Sunday, November 28, 2010

Prayer and Depression

It seems lately I've been experiencing a bout of minor depression.  I believe it's due mostly to life in general (funny how that works).  I've spent quite a bit of time kicking myself for allowing such a pity party, which contributes to the sour mood I have going.  During this time,  I have kept saying my prayers, reading my scriptures, and trying to remember how ridiculously selfish it is to feel sorry for yourself.  I even neglected my new"ish" blog posting habits, which again, added to the guilt and general bleckiness I've been feeling. 

Even though I felt for sure I deserved to stay home today and wallow in my lovely blanket of miserableness, I  got up, got dressed and went to leadership meeting (I serve in the Relief Society Presidency of my branch).  The Branch President gave a spiritual thought that I felt was "just for me".  He quoted Richard G Scott by saying "Our characters are forged in the service of others" and several other things that reminded me to get over myself. 

Then, in sacrament meeting, our Stake President issued a reminder of our temple covenants to consecrate our time and talents to The Lord.  That was below the belt :)  I started to cry (this has been happening lots the last few days) and had to leave the room for a moment to blow my nose and clean up a bit. 

After church, I received a blessing of comfort from a few of the wonderful, worthy Priesthood holders in our branch.  This helped almost immediately, which is wonderful. I consider it one of the greatest blessings of my life to have access to such worthy Priesthood holders since I do not have the Priesthood in my home. 

So what's the point of all of this?  Well, I'm just thinking of our Relief Society lesson we received today regarding lines of communication.  I tend to not open my heart to Heavenly Father when I'm feeling this way because it just seems so silly and stupid to feel sorry for myself when I have been given so so sooooo many blessings.  In short, I feel ungrateful.  Thusly, even though I am still saying my prayers, I am not "there" and my listening is affected.  If I had kept my lines of communication open and honest and as humble as they should have been, I could have felt much better much sooner.

If I knew that one of my children didn't come to me with a problem they really needed my help with because they were ashamed or embarrassed, it would make me quite sad that they did not realize my love for them in any instance.  How much more then, is Heavenly Father saddened to watch us do that same thing?  To sum up, I suppose in all of my trying to be what I should be, I missed  a vital point.  Love.  Heavenly Father's love.  Hopefully, I will remember a little sooner the next time and save a few tears for happy occasions rather than pity parties :):) 

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