Due to a comment from a friend on last week's post, I've been thinking and "pondering" on prayer this week. She shared with me that she has seen great power in prayer. There was a time when I would have said, thought, and felt the same way.
I'll be honest here, and share that my once next door to a zealot level faith is now essentially non existent for reasons not only too numerous to mention, but too boring and personal to go into here.
With that being said, my personal experience has been the more I pray, the more I try, the more pressure I put on myself, and do my hardest to be the best that I can be---the worse things get. I know--refiner's fire and all that. But my views on religion and spirituality have drastically changed in the last few (2-3) years.
Last week I shared some struggles I've been having with my daughter. Has that situation gotten any better? Somewhat--we have mended things for the time being. However, it did not happen without more damage being done. At least to my heart and emotional well being.
Young adulthood is hard in the best of times. You're not grown up, but you're not a kid anymore either. You want to do things on your own, but you don't really know how to handle everything yet. Not to mention that you're supposed to be knowing what you want to do for the rest of your life and deep down you most likely have absolutely no clue. Add into that a few PTSD, ADD, Anxiety issues and those difficulties are multiplied by about a gozillion.
So here's the question -- did the prayers of my good friend have any affect? What is prayer for? To help things turn out for the best or to help us be comforted and deal with how things turn out? Does prayer actually have power?
I believe so, but not in the traditional sense. I believe that positive thoughts and feelings have power. The same power if they are demonstrated on your knees or in any other sense. Thinking and caring for others is powerful. Not because a Heavenly Father gives it power, but because we are all connected to one another and when someone we care about is hurting, we are hurting. When we even do so much as want to help, we are helping. Just sharing thoughts and feelings of difficulty and confusion is comforting. Having someone who cares about us individually commiserate and validate those feelings is even more comforting.
So does prayer have power? Yes. It is the power of expressing love. It is the power of the individual. The power each of us carries within us by being compassionate for others. The power is not in the praying, but in the caring.
That is my opinion. Every person has their own experiences and opinions and I do not expect that I am any different than many others.
Sunday, August 28, 2016
Saturday, August 20, 2016
Just Life
I had seriously been loving having my daughter Jessica home from University for the summer. Parts were hard as we are both obstinate and stubborn, but for the most part, I was really enjoying having her around.
Then one evening after having an argument with her step mother on the phone over some things I won't share here because they aren't my things to share, she threw an entire plate of food into the sink, breaking the plate, and started really yelling at me.
To make a long story short, I have not seen her since that day. I was right, she was wrong. That's great. I can't let her treat me like that. Also great. I should not always be fixing everything or letting her off the hook because she grew up with her dad and he is a fantastically royal asshole. The greatest. All of these points are agreed upon by a close friend Linda, my husband, and my counselor Helen, and myself. I should not contact her. I should wait for her to come home and apologize.
Totally stinks and I miss my kid.
In other news, Jacob is doing pretty good with his first "living on his own at university" experience. Pretty proud of the Jaybird.
Tom is an at home dad and I'm loving that as well, although I worry he will get depressed and bored. But he says he's not so...
Things are overall going pretty good. Have had a lovely Saturday putzing around the house.
Then one evening after having an argument with her step mother on the phone over some things I won't share here because they aren't my things to share, she threw an entire plate of food into the sink, breaking the plate, and started really yelling at me.
To make a long story short, I have not seen her since that day. I was right, she was wrong. That's great. I can't let her treat me like that. Also great. I should not always be fixing everything or letting her off the hook because she grew up with her dad and he is a fantastically royal asshole. The greatest. All of these points are agreed upon by a close friend Linda, my husband, and my counselor Helen, and myself. I should not contact her. I should wait for her to come home and apologize.
Totally stinks and I miss my kid.
In other news, Jacob is doing pretty good with his first "living on his own at university" experience. Pretty proud of the Jaybird.
Tom is an at home dad and I'm loving that as well, although I worry he will get depressed and bored. But he says he's not so...
Things are overall going pretty good. Have had a lovely Saturday putzing around the house.
Sunday, September 29, 2013
Getting Stuck
I currently work in software development as a "Subject Matter Expert". Sounds very exciting, but all that means is when there is a question about how certain things are done, the computer programmers or business analysts ask me, and I have to come up with some wonderfully eloquent (and correct) response.
Through my job I've noticed a trend the last few months. When certain features of the program are developed, the project team previews them to the management of the business areas that are scheduled to be the users. No matter how much work, focus, or effort has gone into something; if one single part of the demonstration is incorrect or not ideal--these managers won't approve it--thus making the project team go back to the drawing board and work more hours and put forth more effort. They get stuck on the one thing that isn't what they expected and either refuse or are unable to look at anything else.
This morning and last night as I was pondering on things and preparing for my Sunday services and partaking of the Sacrament, it occurred to me that I have also been doing this. I have had a mighty struggle lately over something in my life that is not only difficult, but something I have put much prayer, effort, and personal sacrifice in preventing. I have been angry with my Heavenly Father. I have participated in acts of willful rebellion, which we all know is a very risky game to play with your exaltation. Essentially, I have been stuck. Focusing on the thing in my life that is not what I expected or wanted it to be. I have been unwilling and unable to see the million and a half other fabulous things that Heavenly Father is also doing for me and for others in this situation.
I wondered if today would be the Fast Sunday that I would "break the fast" and bear my testimony. I thought on what I would like to share. As I sat and listened to the testimonies being shared, every single thought I wanted to share was spoken by another member of the Branch. Every single thought. It was a wonderful meeting. My heart was touched. I am not alone in my struggles. God is there.
Am I still struggling? -- Yep. But I have been able to feel His Spirit again and know that He is here with me and that everything that is happening is a part of the plan. The plan I agreed would be the best for me and everyone I have stewardship with. I will work through this with Heavenly Father's help and come out the other side stronger and better than ever!
Through my job I've noticed a trend the last few months. When certain features of the program are developed, the project team previews them to the management of the business areas that are scheduled to be the users. No matter how much work, focus, or effort has gone into something; if one single part of the demonstration is incorrect or not ideal--these managers won't approve it--thus making the project team go back to the drawing board and work more hours and put forth more effort. They get stuck on the one thing that isn't what they expected and either refuse or are unable to look at anything else.
This morning and last night as I was pondering on things and preparing for my Sunday services and partaking of the Sacrament, it occurred to me that I have also been doing this. I have had a mighty struggle lately over something in my life that is not only difficult, but something I have put much prayer, effort, and personal sacrifice in preventing. I have been angry with my Heavenly Father. I have participated in acts of willful rebellion, which we all know is a very risky game to play with your exaltation. Essentially, I have been stuck. Focusing on the thing in my life that is not what I expected or wanted it to be. I have been unwilling and unable to see the million and a half other fabulous things that Heavenly Father is also doing for me and for others in this situation.
I wondered if today would be the Fast Sunday that I would "break the fast" and bear my testimony. I thought on what I would like to share. As I sat and listened to the testimonies being shared, every single thought I wanted to share was spoken by another member of the Branch. Every single thought. It was a wonderful meeting. My heart was touched. I am not alone in my struggles. God is there.
Am I still struggling? -- Yep. But I have been able to feel His Spirit again and know that He is here with me and that everything that is happening is a part of the plan. The plan I agreed would be the best for me and everyone I have stewardship with. I will work through this with Heavenly Father's help and come out the other side stronger and better than ever!
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