I currently work in software development as a "Subject Matter Expert". Sounds very exciting, but all that means is when there is a question about how certain things are done, the computer programmers or business analysts ask me, and I have to come up with some wonderfully eloquent (and correct) response.
Through my job I've noticed a trend the last few months. When certain features of the program are developed, the project team previews them to the management of the business areas that are scheduled to be the users. No matter how much work, focus, or effort has gone into something; if one single part of the demonstration is incorrect or not ideal--these managers won't approve it--thus making the project team go back to the drawing board and work more hours and put forth more effort. They get stuck on the one thing that isn't what they expected and either refuse or are unable to look at anything else.
This morning and last night as I was pondering on things and preparing for my Sunday services and partaking of the Sacrament, it occurred to me that I have also been doing this. I have had a mighty struggle lately over something in my life that is not only difficult, but something I have put much prayer, effort, and personal sacrifice in preventing. I have been angry with my Heavenly Father. I have participated in acts of willful rebellion, which we all know is a very risky game to play with your exaltation. Essentially, I have been stuck. Focusing on the thing in my life that is not what I expected or wanted it to be. I have been unwilling and unable to see the million and a half other fabulous things that Heavenly Father is also doing for me and for others in this situation.
I wondered if today would be the Fast Sunday that I would "break the fast" and bear my testimony. I thought on what I would like to share. As I sat and listened to the testimonies being shared, every single thought I wanted to share was spoken by another member of the Branch. Every single thought. It was a wonderful meeting. My heart was touched. I am not alone in my struggles. God is there.
Am I still struggling? -- Yep. But I have been able to feel His Spirit again and know that He is here with me and that everything that is happening is a part of the plan. The plan I agreed would be the best for me and everyone I have stewardship with. I will work through this with Heavenly Father's help and come out the other side stronger and better than ever!
